“Welcome to Parenthood” - Giving Birth to a Baby, then a Programme
When new parents share their experiences on social media, they talk of mixtures of laughter and miseries. There are lots of barriers to overcome before they welcome their first babies. Bowie and Cookie have been there.
Like many new parents, Cookie learns something new with each child. (Photo provided by interviewees)
A mother of a boy and a girl, Cookie has suffered three miscarriages. She recalls, “The fetus’s heart stopped beating at about seven weeks, and it had to be aborted in hospital. When I got pregnant again, I couldn’t forget that experience and was wondering daily whether it would happen again. And I lost that baby finally. I’m not sure if it had anything to do with my mood. But at the time I was living in fear.”
A long-time friend of Cookie’s, Bowie knows what she has gone through. That’s why when Bowie found out she was pregnant, she carefully observed her physical changes and read a lot of trivia about nurturing children. “I have seen something online that says, if you’re expecting a boy, the mother will suddenly grow more body hair because of the higher level of androgen in her body. I have also looked up the internet because I’ve experienced frequent fetal movements. Some websites say it’s caused by hypoxia because the umbilical cord is wrapped around the baby’s neck. It was until an obstetrician busted the myth that I was able to relax.” Bowie gave birth to her first child this year.
There’s a Chinese saying, “Baby brain lasts for three years.” Bowie and Cookie concur to that. Says Cookie, “It’s like, right after I put down the milk bottle, I walk around the flat and then can’t recall where it is.” Bowie says, laughing, “Topping that up with lack of sleep, we are a total mess!” Though expert opinions differ on the concept of “baby brain”, taking care of a baby requires so much physical and mental energy that it’s only normal to become forgetful!
During her pregnancy Bowie became a bridesmaid and suffered from virginal bleeding for a few days (a symptom of miscarriage). At the time she dared not mention it to anyone. (Photo provided by interviewees)
As Bowie and Cookie chat happily during the interview, it’s hard to imagine their frustration as first-time moms. Says Cookie, “We seem to be optimistic. But soon after giving birth, my mood fluctuated wildly due to the hormonal changes. Like, when my daughter, my first child, was crying after feeding, the thought of throwing her out of the window did occur to me.” Fortunately, after speaking to a friend, she was given solace and relief. Bowie believes that the government offers insufficient mental support to new parents, and that the tremendous pressure of taking care of a newborn can give rise to negative thoughts and even postnatal depression.
In recent years, a lot of mothers-to-be and new mothers like to share information via mothers’ groups on social media. Some even upload their naked pregnancy or nursing photos there. Cookie reminds everyone to take extra care in protecting themselves, because there have been incidents when perverts pretending to be mothers joined the group to browse and even share the photos to other websites. Also, the internet is laden with baseless myths. That’s why Bowie and her friends have produced the CIBS programme “Welcome to Parenthood” to share the right information so that parents-to-be do not feel at loss.
Bowie has written to specialists including sleep therapists, maternity nurses, child psychologists and other experts, inviting them to share professional knowledge on the programme.
